Computerjargon : Rebooted
12/29/2005
11:43 AM : Bathroom Backlog
It seems no matter where I work there is always a shortage of men's bathrooms. When I worked in Plymouth the company was mostly women. I think the breakdown was something like 65-75% women. You would think with a smaller per-captia ratio that the men's bathroom would be more readily available, but it wasn't. Granted, the women were hurtin' worse. They had it so bad they were forced to use men's bathrooms when no one was looking (and when no men occupied it). And we all know how my gender tends to leave the state of bathrooms.
Businesses in the warehouse district have it tough. The old buildings were built in a time when a single shared bathroom per floor was common and the density of workers was light. I work now with twice as many men with the same amount of stalls as did Plymouth. It's pretty much booked from 11am to 3pm during the day. Thus, we have to get creative sometimes.
I had a discussion this morning where we compared the quality of restrooms on the other floors versus our own. Although we couldn't come to an agreement whether 5th floor was better than 8th floor, we did decide that anywhere was better than the one we have. The local repository invokes the same emotions as do the dank restrooms of St. Paul bars.
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12/28/2005
08:56 AM : Famous Places and Famous Faces
I chuckled a little bit after reading St. Paul's
Dubliner bar has a cameo in an upcoming
film along with
Nye's in Minneapolis. The Dubliner has always been a favorite of mine, not too big, not too small. I can't wait for it's silver screen debut.
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12/23/2005
12:36 PM : Darwin Vs. Intelligent Design and the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster - A satirical argument for teaching intelligent design in school. Somehow I don't think this rationale will help the Intelligent Designers plight.
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12/21/2005
10:53 AM : I Broke the Breadmaker
I broke the breadmaker this weekend. I decided to cleanup the kitchen a bit. I put away some clean dishes and put some dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I was left with the odds and ends to clean by hand. If there's one thing I don't do it's dishes by hand. I will outright refuse to do them. I must have been in a good mood because I decided to do them anyway.
I cleaned some wine glasses, I cleaned the often-used popcorn popper. When it came time to clean out the breadmaker I was a little stumped. I wasn't sure how I should clean it. It has only two movable and removable parts (the kneeding blade and bread bucket). I removed the pieces and dunked them in the water. Still, the innards of the maker had bread residue all over it. I knew better than to dunk the entire maker into a sink full of water so I did the next best thing.
I grabbed the sink hose, turned the maker on it's side, and sprayed the inside of the maker. The pressure wash did a great job of getting all the gunk out of the tight corners at the bottom of the maker. I put it away and congratulated myself on a job well done. Courtney would be pleased.
At the grocery store I stopped and picked up some more bread mix. We don't use our breadmaker very often but the last loaf of bread was excellent. I thought I should make more.
I plugged in the clean maker, threw all the ingredients into the bread bucket and pushed one of the 5 buttons on the maker. Nothing seemed to happen. So I tried pushing one of the other buttons. No luck. Figuring I was doing something wrong I had to get out the manual. The manual confirmed that all that was needed to start the baking was to push the button.
So I pushed it again. Nothing. Not even a blip on the display screen. So I did what any normal male would do when faced with a simple instrument that appears to be broken, I shook it. After a good shaking I noticed a large puddle of water underneath the maker. A flood of panic came over me. I had broken the breadmaker.
In hopes of a miracle I started fidgeting with it some more. I tipped it on it's side, I tried to shake the water out, but nothing was going to make it work. I was pissed and I was hungry. I broke the bad news to Courtney. She didn't seem as upset as I was. She calmed me down and suggested we replace it. I was defeated.
I continued with some other baking, making some cookies and fudge. I couldn't get over that I had broken the breadmaker. I am such a careful person and a careless moment had now ruined by entire day. I kept the breadmaker on top of the oven in hopes of drying it out. By the end of the day water was condensing on the inside of the LCD display. I gave it one last try but it refused to work. By this time Courtney had already rescued the bread incredients and was baking the bread the old fashion way in the oven. She made some great cinnimon and raisin bread.
Courtney's loaf is almost gone this morning. I've been having a few slices for breakfast each day this week. I was hit with the need for fresh bread again during breakfast. Refusing to give up, I took out the broken maker while my toast cooked and plugged it in. I started mashing the buttons one after another. BEEP BEEP BEEP The breadmaker sprang to life. "Oh my god, I've done it! I've fixed the breadmaker!" I ran into the bedroom and told Courtney that it was a Christmas miracle. The breadmaker works!
Delighted, I quickly threw together the ingredients for a loaf of honey wheat berry bread. I am tickled pink with anticipation to the smell of fresh bread when I get home this evening.
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12/20/2005
09:58 AM : Ricky Gervais Podcast
Even if you are adamantly opposed to podcasting I highly recoomend you give a listen to
Ricky Gervais' podcast. He is the original creator of the British comedy
The Office . Its worth the listen just to hear Brits say things like "cheeky" and "bollocks" and "utter rubbish".
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12/19/2005
09:24 AM : The Holiday Party Venue
This past Friday came the annual company holiday celebration. I have a tendency to switch jobs in the later part of the year, which creates for a somewhat awkward holiday party. I have met many people but I can't say they completely grasp the full jason experience. The party was fun, food was great, the wine flowed like water.
The party was held at the recently rennovated Walker Art Center. The new building, added last year, looks a little odd. I've heard it referred to as the metal fish tail in Minneapolis. I think it looks like an angry man.
I was a little nostalgic heading down there again. We used to live directly next to the Walker in an apartment complex. I used to walk through the sculpture gardens every morning on my way to work.
The inside of the Walker is beautiful and much like walking through Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. When we exited the evalator from the parking ramp there were no signs to indicate where we were supposed to go. We weren't in the main lobby of the Walker. We were in a wing of an exhibit. The only people available for questions were ticket agents. The ticket ladies kindly directed towards the main lobby by suggesting we follow the brick pathway. So we followed it directly into an exhibit on flight, not exactly the main lobby. We stumbled around, but eventually found the main lobby.
We took the elevator to the 8th floor for the reception. Suspciously we noted the elevator had no 5th floor stop. It went from 4th floor to 6th without a stop. Very John Malkovich if you ask me. We drank and drank until we were ushered out for dinner. At that point we were instructed to take the elavator to the 5th floor for dinner. But the elevator we were piling into had no 5th floor. So 20 individuals crammed into an elevator going nowhere began to hypothesize on just how to get to the 5th floor.
"Go to the 4th and walk up a flight!"
"Go to the lobby and take the other elevator!"
On and on they went while the elevator went nowhere. We ended up heading back down to the lobby, walking back through the Walker, to the original set of elevators, the set that brought us from the parking lot.
I saw much more of the Walker that night than I thought I would. If they wanted me to see everything they had to show off then the layout worked. I felt worse for the ladies wearing high heels. I know Courtney would have wore better shoes if she knew she'd be walking around on a brick road for a good portion of the night.
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12/16/2005
08:04 AM : The Calm Before the Cold
I mentioned to Courtney earlier this week that I was surprised my allergies hadn't acted up yet. Typically by this time of the year I'm popping pills every morning and run the humidifier constantly. But this year I haven't had to do any of that. Well, that was until yesterday.
I woke up with a scratchy throat and my sinuses were running ramptant. My allergies have arrived.
If you ask Courtney, she will tell you that it's all in my head, which is sort of true. Did I cause the onset of sinus congestion? Maybe. Was I ignoring the early signs a month ago? Maybe. In any event, this year I have my trusty Allegra by my side, left over from a nasty sinus infection/brain tumor this summer.
I really question if any of this is real anyhow. I'm sure if you told me that a magical gray pill would clear my sinuses, grow hair, and make me socially adept I would pop it in a second and all would be right. I can't really tell if the Allegra is working or not. I'm used to popping decongestants which dry me out and make me pee a lot. The Allegra doesn't have any of those side effects. Not to mention it's a 12-hour solution. What happens if it starts to wear off? Should I take more? From my estimates it lasts only 8. But then again, it's all in my head anyways.
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12/15/2005
08:47 AM : El Loro for President
Courtney and I ate at the El Loro last night. As Court pointed out, El Loro will be "that place" we drag our kids to. The food and staff are great.
We were the first seated in an area near the front of the restaurant. We ordered our food and were enjoying our chips when two women were seated in the booth next to us. "We don't want to sit by them," one of the ladies said. I glanced her way to make sure she wasn't talking about us. I looked over my shoulder. No one else was in the area. I concluded that, yes, she was talking about us.
"I hate sitting next to people. We're going to be loud," she told the waiter. They sat two booths away. I found her comments odd and a tad rude. After sitting down the two young women discussed, loudly, the appropriate size of margaritas to order. They determined the 60oz was too large and settled for the smaller 36oz mugs. The girl was right, they were going to be loud.
For the rest of our time there I couldn't hear them much. As the restauant started to fill up other couples and families were seated around them. I considered it pennance for their demands.
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12/14/2005
07:50 AM : Advertainment : Coming to a Station Near You
Gannett, owner of KARE 11 here in the cities, is pursuing another avenue for cash by introducing Advertainment specials. This new type of television talkshow will feature paid-for product highlights. Gannett assures the line between news and advertising will be kept distinct. Product spots will be identified as sponsored. Consider advertainment the new form of infomercials. The only difference is these spots will be masquarading around as real news shows.
Sleezy if you ask me. If Gannett hopes to battle devices like Tivo with faux-news spots I hope they realize that I will just choose not to record these.
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12/13/2005
16:55 PM : Best Buy: Target Marketing or Gender Bias?
A City Pages' columnist recently ranted about Best Buy's holiday gift guide being more male focused. The editorial rags on the company for the lack of content for women in the audience. The article concludes that Best Buy thinks less of women because their fliers included very little content for women. And because of this Best Buy must believe that women are only good for buyin gadgets for men.
I quote, "The lesson here? According to Best Buy, women love shopping for and pleasing their man."
I'm all for equality between genders. I think there are major issues society needs to address when it comes to gender-bias (equal pay, anyone?) But please people, this is ridiculous. The truth of the matter is the majority of shoppers at an electronics store will be male. Just like the majority of shoppers at a make-up store will be female.
The columnist's rant focuses on the point that these fliers were not sent to a subset of existing Best Buy customers, but to the "CURRENT RESIDENT" that lives at every house. When I check my mail today I can almost gurantee that there will be something in it that I'm not interested in. Do you know what I'm going to do with it? I'm going to throw it away.
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08:07 AM : Subscription-based Addiction
One more minute. One more click. One more kill.
Just one more minute. That's all. Then I'm done. Then I can sleep.
I can't sleep, I'll play for one more minute, one more click, one more kill.
I picked up World of Warcraft about three weeks ago. It's a massive multi-player online role playing game. I like to think of myself as being on the edge of nerdism. I have the capability, and choose to be, to interact with actual people outside of the computer. I try to stay away from video games like this because, well, they start to consume my life. Addiction to a game like World of Warcraft is too easy. But, after both Frank and Kyle started playing, I didn't want to be left out.
So now I'm in, addicted, just like everyone else.
Courtney has been kind about it. I try to limit my online time to an hour or two and when we have schedule conflicts. I'm waiting for the time she has to pull me away after a 10 hour stint that included 18 Mountain Dews. I'm hoping I give up before then.
To make matters worse, Chad and I started using Skype to communicate while playing. Courtney drew the line with me when I started insisting that we only communicate with Chad through the computer. I was pleasantly surprised at the quality of the VOIP service. Last time I attempted to call someone over the internet was circa 1998, when my brother was living in the dorms at Madison and I had a one way cable modem. The service was subpar. Any internet surfing done during our conversation caused the voice communication to breakdown. Chad and I are able to chat away with very little, if any, interruptions. Still, Court will not have anything to do with it.
I started reading A Million Little Pieces to keep me away from the computer as much as possible. It's a first-hand account of a drug addict's recovery at Hazelden. I picked it up after 3 separate people all suggested it to me within one week. The only catch, it had just been added to Oprah's book club. I was assured that I would still enjoy it, even if Oprah enjoyed it too. I'm half way through it, at my typical breaking point. I have a horrible tendency to leave a book half way in if it doesn't keep my attention. I'm having to fight my way through the rest of this one. The first 100 pages were stunning, almost breathtaking. Frey recounts every minor detail of every situation which allows the reader to become emotionally involved. He shares his addiction with you. His writing style is more of a stream-of-conciousness. He uses no quotation marks and repeats himself, repeatedly. To me it feels like how my brain processes things over and over and over again.
So why am I stuck? I've hit a dry spot. Eventually he is bound to turn the corner right? Rehab sucks, treatment sucks, everyone sucks, right? That's the gist of the book. It's a 400+ page novel. Around page 140 he flips. Life is no longer hard. Sure, he's getting rehabilitated which is making his life that much easier. But it also makes it monotonous. That's part of rehab though. Give people a pattern, a rut they can follow. Give them a path to walk down so they don't have to think about it. It just makes for some repetitive reading at some point.
Now I'm assured that it picks up again soon. So I'm fighting through the dryspell. I'll let you know what I think when I finally finish it. Hopefully soon.
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